Dating for phds
And while it’s fair to say that these men (and women) who at best take advantage and at its worst abuse us are at fault, what we have to realise is that as we are 100% responsible for ourselves, we have our part in in it too.
Every day I read stories in my email, read the comments, Facebook, and even general stories via my friends, acquaintances, and of course the media, and I feel deeply saddened that there are many women who are like how I have been, believing they have no options, or their option is someone who treats them ‘less than’.
But I had to be right so I sold myself short for several more months because of my pride.
Last week I met up with Baggage Reclaim readers both here in London and in New York and as I listened to stories from the mouths of women who deserve so much better, I wondered why so many of us sell ourselves short, loving men who don’t love us, loving men with girlfriends and wives, being verbally, mentally, and physically abused, being toyed with, used for sex, robbed of our dignity, and sometimes robbed of our money, health, friends, and family.
When I wasn’t in a relationship, it was like I was passing time between Mr Unavailables and assclowns, hungry to fill up the ‘vacancy’ left by the previous guy.
Here’s the thing: I know that dating is not as straightforward as it used to be and lazy communication has been enhanced by texts, email, and instant messenger, as well many people thinking that there are so many fish in the sea that they don’t need to commit, but when we believe that our options are limited or that we have no options, a lot of assclowns and Mr Unavailables but that there were plenty of healthy people too, lo and behold, I saw them, met them, and was interested, with the key difference being that I actually believed that I was genuinely believing it was possible.
I’d forget I’d stirred things up and instead focus on the leaving me because I’m unlovable bit.
We can sell ourselves short before we even do a damn thing because we’re already selling ourselves short in our head, telling ourselves negative messages, not believing in our capabilities, and believing that the answer to our problems is in someone else.
That fear of being abandoned, when it was realised, painful as it was it felt familiar.
When they weren’t leaving, I started acting up, and then I could convince myself they’d leave anyway.